What’s your line in the sand?

line-in-sandCan you ever truly stay friends with an ex?

When I say friends, I mean a strictly platonic friendship, with no blurring of the lines, no falling back into bed, no mixed messages.

I can’t.

Well, at least, not until a certain line in the sand has been crossed.

For me, that didn’t happen until an ex told me he was in love with a stripper. After that, I knew there was no going back.

Looking at it now, I probably should have drawn the line earlier – for example, when he had a threesome with my best friend and a random stranger they picked up at a nightclub.

But I was young, and at the time it hadn’t seemed like a huge deal. After all, we weren’t together anymore. We were being wonderfully mature and had turned our relationship into a “friendship”.

The problem with being friends with an ex is that the relationship barriers are so easily blurred. There’s not a lot stopping you from falling back into old habits, even just for a night. Or at least you tell yourself it’s just for the night. But your emotions aren’t so easily controlled.

So, is it possible to actually stay friends with your ex?


But if you’re like me and constantly question your decisions then it’s almost impossible to do so without blurring the lines.

There are some people out in the big wide world that don’t have this problem. They are confident decision makers who never seem to doubt themselves. My husband is one of these freaks. Of course, my too-ing and fro-ing on decisions drives him insane 😉

For the rest of us “normal people” it’s not that simple. And when you stay friends with your ex, you can find yourself in constant turmoil. That’s when you need to cross that mystical line in the sand. Or, more specifically, your ex needs to cross that line.

The point of no return is different for everyone. Often, you don’t even know what that line is until it’s been crossed. And sometimes, once it’s been crossed, you don’t even want to be friends anymore.

Relationships are huge emotional investments, and ending them can cost us a lot. Trying to stay friends is a way of minimising the emotional expense, but if it leads to months or years of confusion and heartache, is there any point in trying to stay friends?

I’d love to know what you think in the comments below.


Till next time.

XX Amanda

Shh! You can’t talk about THAT


There’s something you may not have realised about me yet: I have a tendency to over-share personal information.

It’s usually worse after a couple of glasses of wine, of course. For example, quite recently I decided an entire party needed to know my exact bra size. It was the wine. I swear it was the wine.

This week, unfortunately, I couldn’t even use that as an excuse. This over-sharing incident happened after work one night, with a colleague who I like to think I’m friends with. But once I’d crossed the boundary and blurted out what I shouldn’t have (and no, I’m not going to say it now – I have learnt my lesson) there was instant awkwardness and instant regret that trailed into the next day and followed me through the week.

Now, being one that does tend to over-share, this kind of regret is no stranger to me. This time, however, it was worse because I’d actually crossed a boundary even I know is pretty much forbidden (except with your closest friends… after a couple of glasses of wine…).

But through the torturing’s of my own mind, I began to wonder: why is IT such a forbidden topic?

It’s not so much an issue when you’re single – you’re expected to have an exciting sex life then, and can often find said sex life the topic of party conversations. But once you’re in a committed relationship it changes, and is discussed less and less in public arenas. By the time you’re married…

Eek! Yuck! Cover your ears!

No one wants to hear about shenanigans in the marital bedroom.

But why does this topic become such a no-go zone? Why do we blush, or stutter, or cringe when the topic is brought up?

I mean, we don’t giggle when we talk about breathing, or about eating, or about going to the toilet… hmm, actually maybe some people do giggle about the latter, but I digress.

Sex is a normal biological function, so why is talking about it so forbidden?

Maybe, just maybe, it’s because, in this world of over-sharing, where every thought, every action, every meal can be shared in an instant with your friends or followers, there is still something that is sacred. Something that is private.

Maybe, instead of wanting to be able to share such secrets with the world we should respect these boundaries and value that one piece of our partner that is ours alone.

XX Amanda